#problems of an introvert

[invisiblebard]

[b4mbilvrr]

ʚɞ

[leoram8209]

If it's not on my caller ID or an unknown number. CLICK

[1introvertedsage]

[thatbadadvice]

Dear Advisor,

I tend to be a very reserved and shy person so making friends is super hard. Recently I’ve been wanting to socialize more , but I genuinely don’t know how. Is there any advice that you have that can make me look more approachable and not be scared to talk to people. I’m so stressed about being alone and not having any friends, but I just find it so hard to go up to people and make a conversation. I tried once but it became super awkward. I just really need good advice from someone on how to approach a person and continue a conversation.

Dear Awkward Anonymous,

It would be so easy to get into a whole deep let's-skeetshoot-therapy-on-the-internet session and try to help a total stranger unpack all of the GA-FUCKING-ZILLION ways in which social awkwardness shows up in a person's life. It seems easy, and it even seems meaningful and worthwhile, but to do so I would have to presume a bunch about your life, and make a bunch of assumptions about the ways in which my own experiences maybe/probably track with yours, and it would be a whole big wank-fest, and frankly ... it would be awkward. I'd be like you, standing there at the party, hoping that what I'm saying resonates or lands or even vaguely tracks with anything a stranger has ever known or experienced, presuming (probably rightly!) that it doesn't, and then flailing and blaming myself when I didn't emerge from the interaction with all the world's gold stars.

So here's what: stop talking to other people as a primary social occupation. Going up to people and just talking is fucking terrifying. The Bad Advisor says this as a Certified Extrovert™ who rarely shuts the fuck up.

Instead, find a thing to do with other people that involves some sort of task or goal or activity. Talk about the thing you're doing together, when you're doing it. If it feels okay, maybe introduce one or two of your own relatable-to-the-activity experiences in the process. See who picks up on it. Ask the people who pick up on it genuinely interested questions in response. This is what we awkward people call: engineering a conversation. It is the way, I am told, humans make connections with other humans. I have seen it work in my own life.

Depending on where you live and your ability level and skill set, I bet you have some options! You could seek out an open board game night, pub quiz session, knitting/quilting circle, or mutual aid meetup that's looking for volunteers. Especially look for social activities with strangers that involve a dedicated, pre-prescribed activity (such as a hiking or mall-walking group, stuffing envelopes for a political candidate or cause you care about, planting trees at your local park, or tasting tea/wine/beer/etc.). (Somebody is going to say join a ballroom dancing club or suchlike; I am personally terrified of this, but if you have a higher tolerance for strangers touching you and fewer than two left feet: it's literally an option. Line-dancing, on the other hand ... absofuckinglutely.)

Even if what's available in your area isn't your precise and specific interest, it might be worthwhile to check out something you are decidedly meh about -- you might not be the only meh person there. You can bond over shit that's boring or shitty with other people who find it boring or shitty! Some of my best friends, arguably my very best friends, came out of experiences we mutually loathed or found at least moderately and mutually miserable.

Consider especially finding an activity where you yourself are the manager of operations and/or have a designated task to take care of that is unique to your position! This doesn't have to be complicated or skill-dependent; can you become a voter registrar in your area? Well, bam! You've got paperwork people have to fill out and a good reason to jibber-jabber with folks who have to ask you the questions. Other ideas: join your local neighborhood association board, become a notary public, or see if your local pet rescue is looking for intake line volunteers. Do you have a trustworthy, especially outgoing friend who might agree to play "social glue" for you a couple of times at their activity-centric events? Make it explicit! Ask them if they'll play friendly wing-person for you at their D&D game, fantasy sports league, or some such.

Alternately: Do you have a unique and fun and shareable skillset you can share with others? Are you pretty good at drawing, programming? Simply a font of endless Merlin or NFL or Real Housewives knowledge? You might start a local Discord or other online social group to discuss and share your interests, then move it to the real world in a few weeks once folks get comfortable. You get the idea.

Most of all: Look for stuff that has more-than-just-talking opportunities available outside the designated group jam for you to maintain connections. Perhaps a group chat, a Discord, a Slack, what-have-you, where you can take more time to consider and draft your responses and posts? Connections with humans get made a thousand ways, and talking raw-dog with strangers is but one.

It takes a true social unicorn to be simply good at talking and only talking to other people. There are some of these one-horned wonders out there, to be sure — but let me assure you that the vast majority of folks want to be accepted and seen just as much as you do, and they're staring at the ceiling at night thinking just as much (more, probably) about all the weird, wonky shit they themselves threw at you than they are anything you ever said to them.

[professionalintrovert]

are you ever reading a good book and watching a good show and creating fun things and suddenly you think to yourself oh wait, life is worth living

[black13fox]

a funny from yesterdays stream, iykyk

couldn't decide which one i wanted to do so i did both lmao

i dont remember last time i had such a boost to draw something

versions without the background under the cut

also here's the reference or the thing people are using for the meme

why does he look like that? i can't help but giggle

[http-tempted]

my ability to read the room is why I be at home

[glowettee]

✧・゜ how to radiate confidence in social situations (even when you're screaming inside) ゜✧:・゜✧

hey lovelies! ✧

let's be honest - we've all been there. standing in a room full of people, smile plastered on, while our internal monologue is having a complete meltdown. that was literally me last weekend at this networking event where i knew absolutely no one and spent the first 15 minutes hiding in the bathroom (classic me behavior).

but over time i've collected some little tricks that help me appear confident even when my insides are doing gymnastics. thought i'd share in case any of you are fellow social anxiety girlies too!

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the body language hack ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

our bodies can actually trick our minds into feeling confident. before entering any intimidating social situation, i find a private spot (usually the bathroom, let's be real) and stand in a "power pose" for two minutes. arms on hips, shoulders back, chin up. it feels silly but it genuinely changes my nervous system.

another tiny thing: keep your hands visible, not crossed or hidden in pockets. something about this signals confidence to others and eventually to yourself.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ prepare your conversation toolkit ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

nothing makes me panic more than awkward silence, so i always have a mental list of conversation starters ready. not just "what do you do?" but questions that actually lead somewhere interesting:

"what's been keeping you busy outside of work lately?"

"have you read/watched anything good recently?"

"what's something you're looking forward to this year?"

the secret is asking questions that you genuinely want to hear answers to. people can sense authentic curiosity, and it takes pressure off you to be "interesting" when you're focused on being interested.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the "i belong here" mindset shift ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

this one changed everything for me. i used to walk into rooms thinking "i hope they like me" which immediately put me in a position of seeking approval. now i try to shift to "i wonder if i'll like them."

it's such a subtle change but it puts you in the position of the observer rather than the observed. suddenly you're not auditioning for acceptance - you're just seeing if this person/group is your vibe.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ embrace the awkward ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

the biggest confidence killer is trying to be perfect. there's actually something magnetic about someone who can laugh at themselves when they trip over a word or spill their drink.

i've started just naming the awkwardness when it happens: "well that came out completely wrong, let me try again!" people actually connect more with your humanity than your perfection.

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ the 5-second reset ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

when i feel myself spiraling into overthinking, i use this tiny reset: i take a deep breath, count to 5, and remind myself that most people are too worried about themselves to be analyzing me.

seriously, the same insecurity that makes you worry about what others think is the exact thing that prevents others from thinking about you as much as you fear!

⋆.ೃ࿔:･ aftercare is essential ･:࿔ೃ.⋆

confidence isn't just about how you act in the moment - it's also about how you treat yourself after. i used to dissect every interaction, cringing at everything i said.

now i have a rule: no social autopsies. instead, i celebrate that i showed up at all. sometimes i'll even buy myself a little treat on the way home as a "well done for being brave" gift.

remember, true confidence isn't the absence of fear - it's just the decision that something else is more important than that fear. and with practice, those screaming-inside moments get quieter and less frequent.

what about you? any confidence hacks that help you in social situations?

xoxo, mindy 🤍

[leoram8209]

Follow @introvertsmindset for more introverted memes on Instagram

[hoovesandfloorpaws]

making plans to socialise

actually having to go socialise

[fuckingfandomfreak]

the complete mischaracterization of early season merlin (every season merlin actually 🙄) gets me so bad in fanfics bc he actually had the funniest crush of all time on arthur. he’s such a fucking loser teenage boy with a crush. like obviously there was that rivals thing that last for like not even 48 hours, but also merlins complete ranting about how arthur thinks himself so cool and smart and tough (and handsome) when MERLIN is the one who is cool and smart and tough (and handsome).

why doesn’t arthur think he’s the coolest, smartest, toughest, (most handsome) man ever? how could he be so blind? gaius, let me tell you about all the times I was the coolest, smartest, toughest, (most handsome) man ever like when I saved arthur’s life 4 times this week. see, arthur really should just acknowledge how superior I am to him in every way (and swoon at my feet).

It’s so fucking FUNNY. he’s so immature. like im actually convinced that merlin used to fantasize about revealing his magic to arthur in some grand, over dramatic sacrifice, and the main point of the fantasy was arthur crying over merlin’s dead (preferably injured but thinking he’s dead) body and lamenting how stupid he was for never realizing how awesome (and good-looking) merlin was, and could merlin forgive him? gaius is looking at this boy daydreaming like bsffr rn

[beatrizjournal]

Currently the only thing that keeps me going is writing my thoughts out on my notebook. 🌧️

(Also listening to Lana Del Rey non stop) 🎧

[panlight]

One of the main reasons I don't think Renee was originally intended to be terrible IS the fact that the miracle wonder baby is named after her.

Think about it: in the original Twilight, Renee's just kind of flightly. But she canonically tells Bella she doesn't have to exile herself to Forks and if she changes her mind, "You can come home whenever you want―I'll come right back as soon as you need me." She's emailing Bella pretty regularly ("Write me as soon as you get in. Tell me how your flight was. Is it raining? I miss you already. I'm almost finished packing for Florida, but I can't find my pink blouse. Do you know where I put it? Phil says hi. Mom.") and calls when Bella's emails sound 'off.' She shows up at the end when Bella's in the hospital. Sure there's the stuff about "lol Bella's been paying the bills since she was 10" but that could be hyperbole (that's how I originally read it). She's eccentric and forgetful but Bella calls her her best friend and she seems attentive and loving.

Forever Dawn was the original sequel to Twilight that was eventually reworked into Breaking Dawn to account (somewhat) for the stuff that happened in New Moon and Eclipse. The baby was always named Renesmee. She was named that before New Moon or Eclipse existed.

I genuinely think Renee got retconned somewhere along the line. Starts with Eclipse when she doesn't show up for Bella's graduation because of Phil's broken leg (although I still feel like this is mostly an Author Choice -- Bella and Renee already had their moment on Bella's trip to Florida, SM didn't feel like writing another one -- rather than a Character Choice), but accelerates in Life & Death (where Beau and Charlie basically say Renee needed custody because she couldn't care for herself) and Midnight Sun (where she's pretty much canonically a neglectful narcissist with a latent power to get people to do things for her).

But I don't think SM would have named the baby RENEsmeE if Renee had always been intended to be this narcissistic nightmare. I think SM's ideas about Renee changed as she kept writing but that originally she was just the quirky extroverted mom that the serious introverted daughter loved but didn't understand.

[bpderanged]

I don't think kids are made for introverts because imagine having low social battery just to come home to a kid who won't leave you alone. I could never.

[eonni92]

how juwon felt the entire show